Little by little, I'm doing what I've said I'd do for so long and I'm piecing my life back together. Not that it was like shattered in a million pieces, but it was falling apart just enough to start sucking a bit. Anywho, little things like I'm exercising regularly and eating healthier and attempting to figure out what I'm doing with my life and actually getting somewhere with it... things like that are making my life seem like it's finding a track that it could stay with for a while.
I like feeling productive, and I like feeling healthy. Which I guess is good since that's a good way to get through life. But there are usually so many things that get in my way that prevent me from those feelings. Laziness. Indecision. And all of the things and people that are in my life that really aren't meant to be. I definitely plan on doing some spring cleaning over summer. That includes parts of my past that really seem to be holding me down. For example, my frosh year in college wasn't the best academically and ended with a relationship that all in all was very bad for me. But instead of letting that hold me down, I'll concentrate that it left me with a great experience in the POA and that I met two of my great friends while living in the dorms. I've moved on from the relationship and my health is much better.
Another thing that I need to clear out of my life is all my attempts to be someone I'm not. It takes up too much energy and time to try to be what others think you should be or what you wish you were when you're not. I'm going to set out all my priorities and beliefs and go from there. And then I'm going to live out my life accordingly, and let the pieces fall in place. Maybe I'm not a dancer but I'm definitely athletic and I could definitely work on my flexibility and balance. I'm a bit girlier than most people think. I think I'm also stronger than people think. And I might be a bit crazier. And btw I'm a hippie.
Maybe being 20 isn't so bad. I'm definitely ready to start being the person I'm meant to be and I'm finally kicking my own butt to get it in gear. I'm living in the anticipation of the feeling of reward after I've worked extremely hard in various aspects of my life and I'm more than willing to do that work. I'm excited to do that work. And I think that's a huge difference than what I was feeling before. Wanting the results but not wanting to do the work to get there. It doesn't work that way. As I can tell from years of failure.
But it's behind me now and I'm moving forward with an actual speed and although I can see obstacles in my way I don't think I'll be crying in any corners any time soon. I'm going to be beautiful and successful and strong. And then maybe I'll write a book. But I'll cross that bridge once I get there.
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