I wrote a letter to God.

I wrote a letter to God tonight.

Now I know to some this might seem like an odd thing to do, whether or not you are Christian, all that jazz, etc. but all the same... It helps me to write things down. In past blogs I have mentioned that making lists helps me greatly to organize thoughts and figure things out.

I have been in an extremely bad spot in my life the past few weeks. I have never been so in over my head, I have never seen such a dark area in my life, I have never felt so hopeless as I have for the past few weeks. But I don't really feel like dwelling upon that. If you have concerns, this blog is to ensure you that you shouldn't be concerned any more. Not as much as you would have been knowing my recent situation.

I didn't know what else to do. There are these times at night when I suddenly feel really motivated, like I could do anything... and lately I haven't been experiencing these feelings. But tonight I felt it again. And I decided to take advantage of the feeling, unsure about when I might get the feeling again.

I decided that I needed the ultimate amount of help, because I'm not sure who else I could have asked without feeling unsatisfied or like I was being a terrible burden. However, I have a hard time with talking to anyone. So I wrote a letter praying to God. It's the best choice I've made in a very very long time. I was able to discover so many buried thoughts and feelings by uncovering various layers that were just suffocating me. It helped me to decide what steps I really wanted to take next.

I felt so much better after writing, it was a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time. I knew I was going to be taken care of, and that if I continued to trust in Him, who I should have been trusting all along, that nothing like this would get in my way again. It's a good feeling.

So why am I writing this? I guess I just want to let it be known that I'm about to make a significant amount of changes. I have no doubt that it's going to be a bumpy road, that I'm going to have to consult many people about many things, and that it's going to take a while. But for the first time in months, I'm somewhat optimistic. ... that and even though I've already asked God for help, I want to ask you for help to. Just to keep me accountable. Everyone needs a push forward here and there and I will admit now, I'm probably going to need a shove every once in a while.